A new book of life, first chapter.

I met Kyle several years ago. He was the roommate of a "friend with benefits" I knew at the time, David. I ignored him mostly; he was younger than me and a smartass. I wasn't impressed.

I got married April of 2005. On the suggestion of my husband, started playing World of Warcraft. Two years later, my husband had become abusive and we had drifted apart. He left in July. The divorce was final September 10th, 2008. Took long enough.

While it was dragging on, I became immersed in WoW. I lived it. I breathed it. I barely spoke to anyone outside of the game. It was my only lifeline during the divorce; those members of my guild were a second family to me. It was here that I came across Kyle again.

My other friend, David, is still one of my closest friends to this day. When the benefits disappeared, our friendship remained intact. He invited Kyle into our guild in late April 2008. And the flirting began.

I thought it was nothing. I was in the middle of a divorce. I didn't want a relationship. A little fun, sure. Some action - yes, I can admit it. I wanted sex. I'd been without for a long time.

It started out as nothing but that - a physical relationship. He was stationed 7 hours away from me in another state. And I was in no mood to begin dating a "military" man, having grown up around them. So when he got deployed to Iraq in July of that year, I wasn't particularly concerned. This wasn't my boyfriend, my heart was not in danger. Besides - this guy had kids, and I wasn't looking to gain responsibilities any time soon.

Things can change a lot over 6 months. I continued playing WoW to my heart's content, spoke with Kyle over Satellite Communications calls about once a week, and we emailed almost every day. i still wouldn't let myself recognize the relationship as anything but friendly. Then the news of the final decree showed up, I wanted to celebrate. I wanted to throw a party, and drink all night. But most of all, I wanted to share it with Kyle. Uh oh.

By the time he came home in late January, I was hooked. I loved him. I was still holding back that part of me that had been so hurt. I couldn't admit to myself that I was "IN" love with him. Being "IN" love with someone meant pain. It meant heartache. I didn't want to feel that again, not after what I'd just been through. But there's not an on/off switch for my heart. It just doesn't work that way.