Oops! Been a while

Wow it's been almost 2 months since I posted! Been busy with the apartment, work, the soon-to-be husband, the girls, everything.

We got the bedroom completed for the girls. Moved our desks & computers out of the 'office' and set up a pair of bunk beds. The girls have a dresser, mirror, bookshelf, lamp, nightlight, and even a small couch where Daddy reads to them before bed. The first time they came over after it was ready, they were SOOO excited to see it! Screaming, giggling, laughing, going up and down the ladder. We pulled them off after about 3 minuts of this and sat them down together. Kyle told them there are rules for the beds. #1 - DO NOT JUMP on them, or off them. #2 - only 1 little girl allowed on the ladder at a time. Later in the evening, both of them ended up on the ladder trying to go down, and Kyle pulled them both aside and told them again, only 1 on the ladder. He ended up giving a quick spank to the youngest, because she kept disobeying this rule.

Speaking of the younger, the last time we had the girls, this child would NOT listen to a word Kyle or I said. This time, she was doing basically whatever she pleased. Kyle would tell her not to jump on the furniture, turn around, and she was doing it again, almost to spite him! Tell her to brush her teeth, nope. Toothbrush went in the mouth, and right back out. Tell her not to eat pancakes (that were covered in syrup) with her fingers, that's exactly what she did. Every. Single. Time. That child ended up getting spanked at least 3 times in 1 24-hour span of time. What is going on with her??

The oldest seems to be doing better with her letters and writing. We worked with her some, writing words and she would copy them, then pointing to the letters as she spelled the word. We try to spend at least an hour with her doing that every time we have them. Their mother seems to believe that she doesn't need to be in pre-K, which just baffles me. This kid is 4 and a half, and a month ago couldn't say her ABCs or count to 10, or even say her full name. We've been working with her and it's getting better, a little at a time. It just galls me that the mother is a TEACHER and won't see that her child is behind other kids her age. If she goes into kindergarten without these most basic of skills, she will most certainly be behind the other kids. A teacher, who won't teach her own children? I... I just have no words.

OH and Kyle finally got a job in September, so he's working again. He won't be able to pick up insurance till he's been there 6 months, but at least he'll be able to get it.

Wedding is Halloween in Vegas. We get the girls this coming up weekend (24-25th). I'll be taking them to a local Pumpkin Patch/Fall festival thing on Saturday, while Kyle has to work. Will be the first time I've done anything with the girls by myself. Well, not really by myself. I'm grabbing a girlfriend to go with us in case I need an extra adult, LOL.

Frustrations

This weekend, the girls came over on Saturday. The last time Kyle picked them up, his ex informed him that she wanted to bring them over next time, because she wanted "to see the environment (he) has them in". At face value - understandable. If you know her though, not so much. Whatever.

So Saturday, he calls her around 12:30, asks what time she's bringing them. She says when they are finished with their nap, as they were down at the moment. OK, that's cool. Two hours later, I'm sitting in the office having lunch, still in my pjs, when she calls again. She's asking where we are, he tells her the name of the apartment complex, and the apartment number. Then she asks how to work the box at the gate - because she was sitting at it RIGHT THEN. No call to say they were on the way, just BOOM there she was.

I stayed in the office, because I hadn't had a moment to get dressed or shower or clean up myself in any way. I knew what this was about - she wanted to get a look at me. Hey, I'm fine with that. I'm around her kids, I can understand that. Well, she didn't get it Saturday. And according to Kyle, she seemed to be in an awful hurry. Instead of stepping in, looking around, checking out our "environment", when Kyle opened the door to them, she was like Gotta go! and just took off. Umm ok.

So I come into the living room a couple of minutes later, because the girls were asking for me (AWWW), and Kyle whispers to me that the ex didn't bring the girls' clothes. I said "what do you mean?" She had "forgotten" their bag in the other car, so she said. So now, we had no change of clothes if they got dirty, we had no sleeping clothes, no toothbrushes or toothpaste, none of that. She just dropped them off with the clohtes they had on their backs. Wow.

It gets better.

I went to take a shower, and while I was in there, thought about maybe going shopping and picking up a few things. We'd have to, at least for a few items. That's cool, I thought, that will give Kyle a little alone time with his kids, they can bond, that kind of thing. I get out and get dressed, and go to the living room. A thought occurs to me, and once there I look around. Nope, don't see them. I asked Kyle "what about the car seats?" Nope. Didn't drop them off with him either. They had to sit IN them on the ride from their house to ours, and she didn't unlatch them from the car once here. [side note: Kyle & the ex have been sharing the car seats, he gets them when he gets the girls.]

So now, we have 2 kids, no extra clothes, no night shirt or pajamas, no toothbrushes or paste, NO CAR SEATS if we wanted to take them somewhere. Yeah, I'm going shopping. Kyle gave me his debit card, and I researched the car seats I found on walmart.com. Picked one out, checked for any safety recalls, didn't find any, then went shopping.

We'd talked about getting the girls new car seats for him to have in his car, because the ones that SHE has, they are getting too big for. Yes, they have the 5-point harness, but the seats are too small. Strapping them in is uncomfortable for the girls up to painful. I bought 2 identical booster seats, where they full back seatbelt comes through. The girls will have a lot more room now and will still be safe.

I shouldn't be allowed to shop by myself for these girls. Everything I spot that has Tinkerbell or Princess on it, I want it for them. Left the store with the boosters, toothbrush and toothpaste (Tink), pajamas (Princess), an extra pack of panties (Tink), socks, and at least 3 little outfits for each of them, and a bunch of hair clips too. I spent $200 in Walmart, and only $95 was for the booster seats LOL. Must... stop... spending... Yeah I need to curb that.

Saturday night was ok, the girls were refusing to eat their dinner so they didn't get dessert, then both of them were hungry again 2 hours later, and Kyle said "No. You had your dinner and you didn't eat it." They pouted a bit, but he didn't budge. I'm proud of him for not giving in. They kept getting up and playing after we put them down to go to sleep, and he almost had to spank them for it. Finally they fell asleep around 10-ish. We watched the rest of Blizzcon 2009 and went to bed.

And got a 6am wakeup call by a 4 year old. Its so cute how she just bypasses Kyle and comes to ME to wake one of us. Daddy isn't moving, so she gets me everytime. Got up, made coffee, gave the girls a bowl of cereal because they were hungry. Woke Kyle up. Hey, if I'm up at 6am then he's gonna be up!! He made us a big breakfast around 9:30 and the girls had some of that too. I did the dishes later and watched after the girls for a little bit while he showered and stuff. Their mother picked them up around 12:30. Stuck her head in the door and said something to me about "I know I'm supposed to remember you, but I really don't." I just kind of nodded my head and went about my business.

And that was our weekend.

Spending the night

So far, the girls have spent the night with us 4 times. Each time, Kyle goes to pick them up, and brings them to our apartment. We have games to play with them, Kyle reads to them, they watch a few movies. I always cook them dinner, except for the one time we went to Chuck-E-Cheese. That was fun.

We have a 2-bedroom apartment, but the second bedroom is our office. So for now, the girls pile up on the couch with pillows and my big quilt, and sleep there. Once Kyle has a job we will look at possibly turning the 2nd bedroom into the girls' room. Have to figure out where the 2 computers are going to go. Hmmm... thinking about it all, this is going to mean a LOT of moving some furniture around. We could probably do it though. I know I'd like to. It would give the girls their own special space, and hopefully make them feel more welcome, more comfortable in our home. I'd like that.

Normally, Kyle picks the girls up and brings them to the apartment. Last time he took them home, his ex informed him that SHE wanted to drop the girls off the next time with us, because she wanted to see "what kind of environment you (Kyle) have my children in". Part of me is offended at this. I do understand it, well kind of. I understand it on the level of a mother who wants to know her kids are safe. However, I don't believe for a second that this is the level his ex is on. She's been known to be manipulative and cruel where Kyle is concerned, to the point of even withholding the girls from him for no reason. She knows who I am, and I think she wants to get a look at me. And I'm afraid that if she decides not to like me (I'm with her ex after all, we women are possessive), she may try to make Kyle's time with the girls difficult. And that's the last thing I want.

Not sure what to do on that one. I guess just wait and see what happens. I know this, I'm not a pushover. I won't let someone walk into my home and disrespect me. If she does, then I will speak to her about it. If she remains civil, then so will I.

Thinking about making strawberry cupcakes with the girls this weekend. That will give me a chance to do something with them that's just me, and we can bond a little. I figure while they bake, Kyle can read them a story or play a game with them. Then once they cool, we can all frost the cupcakes together. Might need to get 2 tubs of frosting, I haev a feeling the girls will be eating it as they go LOL.

Preparing for the girls

Kyle had been home only about a month when his ex called and said she really needed him to take the girls to spend the night, on Father's day. Reason? Her husband was having surgery the following morning, and had to spend the night at the hospital. She wanted to stay with him.

OK - we're thrilled to have the girls stay with us. However, you cannot tell me that his ex did NOT know ahead of time about this surgery. She sprang this on us the Friday before - that's right, 2 DAYS notice. We hadn't had the chance yet to "baby-proof" the apartment. And quite frankly, I didn't know what all that would entail.

Saturday we cleaned and put all of our pretty pointy weapons away (we have a small collection). We made sure the cleaners were in a safe place, got all the laundry done, checked placement of the furniture. Went to Wal-Mart and spent about $75 on kid stuff - crayons & coloring books, play-doh, sticker books, bubbles to blow, sidewalk chalk. And of course, kid-friendly shampoo, conditioner, baby wipes, lotion, body wash, extra band-aids and neosporin, sippy-type cups (they're young enough to still need a cup & straw).

We forgot the outlet covers. Turns out the girls didn't mess with them, so we were safe, at least for that night.

He picked up the girls around 1pm that afternoon, and we took them over to a friend's house to go swimming. Apparently these children had never been in a BIG pool, only a plastic, fill-with-a-hose kiddie pool. We had also purchased goggles and arm floaties for them the night before, so we were at least prepared. They LOVED it. We spent about 3 hours that afternoon teaching them how to swim, and I mean actually SWIM. The oldest was trying to swim down to the end of the pool without us at one point, but that's the deep end so one of us trailed within arm's length of her.

That night we gave them baths, together since they're small enough and seemed to enjoy it. They played in the bubbles and Kyle and I washed their hair. I had the job of brushing out the tangles afterward. NOTE: Anything that states "no more tangles" on it - LIES. At least on the oldest girl's hair. YEOW!! I tried being as gentle as I possibly could. Finally got the tangles out, with a bare minimum of yelps from her.

We got them dressed and laid on the couch with daddy to read them a story. Left the lamp on, covered them with a quilt, and went into the office for the remainder of the evening. We finally went to bed ourselves around 11:30ish. It was a good night.

I did get woken up around 3am by a screamer - the youngest had awoken and was scared. I picked her up and brought her to lay in our bed. Kyle woke up enough to realize he daughter was upset and told her it would be alright. We went back to sleep. Then I got up at 7am to go to work.

Moving forward

A few months later, Kyle was officially out of the military and moving back home. We had already discussed him moving in with me directly, and I had switched from a 1 bedroom apartment to a 2 bedroom in the same complex. His homecoming was May 20th. All felt right with the world.

Now comes the fun part of him trying to get a job.

So far, now 3 months later, he still hasn't been hired by anyone. We've tried every job search website we can think of, and he's put in countless applications, both online and in person. So far, only 2 call backs that haven't amounted to anything. He is receiving a bit of help through the Department of Labor, and is eligible to received unemployment checks. That helps. At least, that pays his child support and his car payment. Doesn't help with the bills for our household. But I know he's trying, so I do my best not to bitch and complain. Too much. Sometimes I can't help it; everything just gets to me and I'm scared and worried that we won't be able to make ends meet. We've already had to use the credit cards 2 or 3 times just for groceries. We abolutely can NOT continue to do that.

We get the girls every other weekend. He picks them up on Saturday afternoon, and they spend the night with us, with him taking them home the next day. We're trying to move up to the whole "spending an entire weekend with daddy" part, but we're taking it slow. The girls were only able to spend 1 weekend a month with him while he was still active duty. I'm hoping by Halloween they'll be with us the entire weekend when we get them.

Chapter 2 - happy again

Home from Iraq, Kyle comes to see me almost every weekend. Me, and "the girls". I was nervous, REALLY nervous, about meeting his children. I've never been especially good with kids and I've NEVER wanted any of my own. My brother has a son, and I can't be around him more than an hour at a time. I just can't deal with it when he starts to cry. I panic - I have no clue what to do.

We went to Kyle's mom's house for a birthday party. Thankfully, I'd already met his mom a couple of times. That's where I met them. The oldest of the girls was turning 4. The two of them sat across from each other at their own special table, with a large white sheet of paper taped across it, coloring anything they could.

I'd seen a picture of them, but wasn't prepared when this curious, wary little face first looked at me. It was like I was being checked out for a job, and my employer was less than 3 feet tall. She seemed to approve, and went back to her coloring. The younger didn't even pause to look up at me.

We adults ate and sat around talking, occasionally venturing outside to check on the girls or smoke a cigarette. Slowly they got to recognize me as someone they knew by face. By the end of the day, the older one let me pick her up when she fell. I had this almost overwhelming sense of "AAWWWWW" permeate through me right about then. Kyle took the girls back to their mother's house, and met me back at my apartment. We talked and hugged and he said he was proud of me, though I'm not exactly sure what for. We went to bed and slept peacefuly.

A new book of life, first chapter.

I met Kyle several years ago. He was the roommate of a "friend with benefits" I knew at the time, David. I ignored him mostly; he was younger than me and a smartass. I wasn't impressed.

I got married April of 2005. On the suggestion of my husband, started playing World of Warcraft. Two years later, my husband had become abusive and we had drifted apart. He left in July. The divorce was final September 10th, 2008. Took long enough.

While it was dragging on, I became immersed in WoW. I lived it. I breathed it. I barely spoke to anyone outside of the game. It was my only lifeline during the divorce; those members of my guild were a second family to me. It was here that I came across Kyle again.

My other friend, David, is still one of my closest friends to this day. When the benefits disappeared, our friendship remained intact. He invited Kyle into our guild in late April 2008. And the flirting began.

I thought it was nothing. I was in the middle of a divorce. I didn't want a relationship. A little fun, sure. Some action - yes, I can admit it. I wanted sex. I'd been without for a long time.

It started out as nothing but that - a physical relationship. He was stationed 7 hours away from me in another state. And I was in no mood to begin dating a "military" man, having grown up around them. So when he got deployed to Iraq in July of that year, I wasn't particularly concerned. This wasn't my boyfriend, my heart was not in danger. Besides - this guy had kids, and I wasn't looking to gain responsibilities any time soon.

Things can change a lot over 6 months. I continued playing WoW to my heart's content, spoke with Kyle over Satellite Communications calls about once a week, and we emailed almost every day. i still wouldn't let myself recognize the relationship as anything but friendly. Then the news of the final decree showed up, I wanted to celebrate. I wanted to throw a party, and drink all night. But most of all, I wanted to share it with Kyle. Uh oh.

By the time he came home in late January, I was hooked. I loved him. I was still holding back that part of me that had been so hurt. I couldn't admit to myself that I was "IN" love with him. Being "IN" love with someone meant pain. It meant heartache. I didn't want to feel that again, not after what I'd just been through. But there's not an on/off switch for my heart. It just doesn't work that way.